new year resolution?

i have no new year resolution. never made one for the longest time. i stopped making them when i turned 16 as it was pointless. just a thorough waste of time for me because by the second day of a new year, i would have done something different and never kept to my resolution.

however, my ingrained conditioning usually kicks in on the last day of each year and that's when i start wanting to 'clean up'. a spot of spring cleaning here and there. sort out books, magazines, bills, collections etc. throw away the old and pack the good old stuff to give away. almost like building a new 'nest' for the upcoming year by clearing out the old.

and that's what i was doing. until i got distracted and felt i had to log this entry. now that i've said that, i'm going back to cleaning up my mess and come out to be a hero by the end of the day with a clean table that i can start writing letters on. yeah, i have not done that for ages.

ok. ciao.

on the 42nd ver 2.0

so here's what it is.
another year older.
and that should come with all the trappings of wisdom and what nots.
and of creaky joints and strange habits.
yup, that's what another year older means.
in actual fact, it's just any other day.
one that seems to have coincided with the anniversary day of when i was born.
birth, day. day of birth. date of birth. birthday.

i love birthdays. but i'm also 'shy' of birthdays.
i'm embarrassed of being fussed over openly about it in public.
i've been 'shy' of it ever since i can remember.
perfect birthdays for me, are quiet get together with close friends and family.
no big haloo baloo or hoo haas.
presents are bonus. never essential.

anyway, as it's customary to 'do' something on birthdays,
this is my 'do':

thank you to the One above for making me what i am today.
and for bestowing me a loving and supportive family;
and for hooking me up with lovely wonderful friends, near and far.
i love them all.
they have been my everyday presents.

happy birthday to me =)

google reader magic

magic eh?
you don't see anything on the actual blog page itself.
but if you're using google reader, an entry that was not supposed to be there, is already there.
magic, yes. but magic that's a boo boo.
not supposed to happen.
blame google reader.
spoiler. pfft.

years left

i will be 42 by year end.
honest opinions say, on average, i look 35 today.
today, i feel like i have aged at least 3 years from yesterday.
which means, yesterday, i looked 32.

i'm beginning to catch up with my birth age.
the gap between my birth age and my physical age is closing.
but inside, i feel i'm 27.

a white vespa

i think i've come to another crossroad in my life path.
of late, my mind has been on getting myself a scooter.
yup, that's right.
a scooter.
that motorised thing with two small wheels that you ride on without pedalling.
something that my father says, we should never have.

well, i feel like a scooter now.
not any scooter but a white scooter.
specifically, a white vespa.
yeah, that what's i want.
and with a white safety crash helmet to match.
if i had that vespa, i could take that crossroad ever so smartly.



but if i can't get myself that vespa,
then maybe i'll settle for a bicycle.
a mountain bike with gears to tackle hilly terrains.
and if i can't get that bike either,
then i want to build a small pool with those water jets,
that would allow me to swim in one spot.
and if that is not possible either,
then i'll get myself some underwear.
i think i need that too.

but first choice
is a white vespa.
i'm serious.

sheaffer desk set

and this sheaffer desk set, was a gift from an uncle in melaka.
he was so pleased i visited him that he gave it to me.
in perfect condition.
i wonder what else he has in his secret stash now...

a tempayan full

i had this before.
a "tempayan" of little guppies.
they all died of natural causes.
(actually, they were overfed by the helper).



so anyway, during the long week break,
i decided to re-start my "tempayan" of little guppies.
it's calming watching the little guppies flit about.
i think i'll spend more time staring at them from now on.
and think about great things whilst doing it.
heh.

raya '09 reflections

raya in kampung melaka.
of interest, the malaccan windows, the old "no longer used outhouse", and reban ayam.


raya dodol.


raya pose as you like.


raya help.


raya elders.


raya eat together.


raya smirk.


raya frustrations.


raya bliss.

little hermit crab

there are some concepts that i fail to grasp.
like wanting to live or be alone.
totally independent.
not wanting,
not needing of another human being.

by 'fitrah', we are created to be social creatures.
up to the point that we are responsible for not
letting our neighbours go to bed hungry.
we are even encouraged to pray together.
that 'berjemaah' gives more blessing than praying alone.
those examples in itself says that we cannot live alone.
every once in a while, whether we like it or not,
we would depend on another.
and likewise, someone would depend on us.
and the answers we seek from our doa,
may come from another human being.

granted, some alone time is essential;
to think. to reflect.
but to live in isolation,
i think one needs to seriously think.
and think again.

tearful goodbye

till we meet you next kak farah. love you.

hello?

i had a small insignificant thing on my mind.
so i picked up my phone and dialed.
as it was attempting to connect, then i remembered.
she's not on the other end...
kak farah has gone back to chicago. :(

i like

SiL

i was talking to my sister-in-law today and she mentioned of several interesting finds on the internet. yes, there are plenty for sure. more than my 10 fingers put together. and i don't doubt the interest rating to be lower than 4 stars (5 being max) if she says it's interesting. or exciting even. so, how is it that what she finds interesting, i find interesting. but what i find interesting, doesn't even knock her interest meter the least.

ok, ok, apart from calling me BORING, let's be interesting and find OTHER excuses. i could have ended this entry with "i'm boring" but let's not go there first (oh shush, let me just finish this, ok? it's my blog anyway)

a few reasons on the top of my head:

1) my sister-in-law is interesting (Yay/Nay)
2) my sister-in-law just loves egging me to the suicide cliff by giving me a hard time (Yay/Nay)
3) my sister-in-law has the nose of a hound dog when it comes to exciting stuff on the internet (Yay/Nay)
4) my sister-in-law's definition of interesting coincides with about 70% of the population (Yay/Nay)
5) my sister-in-law and me don't get along very well (Yay/Nay)

what? fine. i'm boring then.
at least i made you read this. so there.

Note: NO sister-in-laws were hurt or maimed in the process of writing this entry, i assure you.

seconds tick

there are days when i feel that time is short
and there's so many things i have not done or achieved,
before times runs out on me.
today in particular.
it's like time is just there by my bedroom door,
tapping its feet to the rhythm of the speeding second.
hurrying me up.
making me rather nervous and anxious.
and i still have a long list of to-dos.
one more minute, please...
as soon as i'm done jotting down my thoughts.

virtual me

if we could create our virtual self with our personalities and remove some of the inhibitions,
and leave them in the virtual world after introducing them to our virtual friends,
wouldn't it be interesting to see how things develop?
kinda like "the sims" world with a twist.

we could end up having babies with people we never thought we would.
have strange relationships going with others.
be enemies to our best friend even.

i think my virtual self would run amok in its virtual world.
and get all its virtual friends pregnant.
and have relationships and more going with the rest.
but best friends and heart friends,
would be lovers till the end. :)

nangka

this is a giant nangka.
a really huge one.



and this is the giant nangka being worked on.



and this, is what i like. :)



seems that giant nangkas are pretty normal now.
scary? yeah.
but they still taste good.
and smell sweet.
now if only it were nangka madu...lagi sedap.

how do i read?

fact is, it depends on what i'm reading.
if it's technical, then i go line by line.
news, then i glance through till something catches my eye.
story, then i get into it.
if it's a story about you,
then i read between the lines.
and sometimes,
over and under the lines.

strikingly beautiful

My sister's gift to me.



Sailor's striking orange leather pen wrap
and Stipula's beautiful black Model T fountain pen.

apt

'human' mistakenly assume that their thinking is done by their head; it is actually done by the heart which first dictates the conclusion, then commands the head to provide the reasoning that will defend it - raza rehan

honey, honey

it's easy
when you are loved.
you wait.
they will come.

try being the bear.
not the cute pooh bear.
just a plain ole bear.

sunny day

i went to the office with much gusto today. first thing i did was spend some time with my assistants discussing. that lasted about three minutes before we all ended talking about other things and laughing for the next half hour. warming.

next, went to see my boss to update her. that lasted a minute before she changed the whole discussion to personal talk and nothing work related. more laughing. connecting. heartwarming.

had lunch with my sister and parents. heart-toasty.

told my assistants i planned to spend the rest of the day with family. and so i did. plus two hours of browsing at the pengallery store with my sister. heart-charging.

and this evening, bowling with cousins.

my heart is so full it could burst right now.

thank you God, for Your rahmat.

via mobile coz my modem is on vacation and i just have to blog this today.

romulan maybe?

definition of professional: conforming to the standards of a profession. 

if i were a vulcan, this would be breeze. emotionally detached, logic prevails. i'd be the epitome of the word itself.

but i'm human. and emotions are part of my being. my physical make-up.

and sometimes, it is very hard to be professional on matters that on the surface, is all about a profession. not when what it strikes...is my heart.

it just sank in. i'm heartbroken.

no more

given a choice, i'll never take another exam ever again. ever!

all the likes in the world

i have this strong urge to do trivial things.

like updating my blog for no reason whatsoever.

like giving away clothes that just add to the clutter of my wardrobe.

like fixing a leak in the toilet.

like arranging my books in alphabetical order.

like ensuring the notes in my wallet are all facing the right way...well, maybe not (i'm not that anal).

like finding codes to link my twitter with my blog.

like having more than one twitter account and be a follower to those accounts.

like arranging my inks in the hues of a rainbow.

like going shopping online...maybe not this one either. i'm broke.

like filing away all the paid bills.

like storing away my bags.

like calling my long lost friends, just to say hello.

like, like, like... and all the likes in my world.

and all because,

i can't stand the thought

of sitting down again

to study for my exams.

ugh.

nakaya neo standard

nakaya.

i have this.

long size cigar (clipless) fountain pen in kuro-tamenuri (black-red) urushi lacquer.

still among the top 3 favourite fountain pen in my collection.

yesterday, i saw something new from nakaya on www.nibs.com

the nakaya neo standard.

in heki-tamenuri (brown-green) urushi lacquer.

oh man, i so want this!

i really, really want this.

this can easily be my favourite pen.

i won't want another.

(of course, i know i'm lying to myself saying that).

but for now, i want this!
really, really bad.

and i want the music nib on this.

oh, before i forget,

photos in this entry are borrowed from www.nibs.com

me and you, ze company

today, is my first day back at work after a break.
and it's to a new office location.

since i've been with this company,
we've moved 3 times.
expanded, more describes it.

when i joined the company, there were only 17 of us.
the company grew and moved to a larger office space in a different location.
it grew again so an additional office floor was acquired.
it grew yet again,
and we're now where we are.

this current location, mid valley city,
is by far the one i like best.
not in the heart of the city which makes traffic less hectic.
adjoined to one of the biggest malls in kl,
which makes "de-stressing" activities absolutely FUN.

i actually look forward to my office hours.
now.
soon,
it will pass. :)

and you'll find me saying,
i'm working.
from home.

:O

AAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

i feel better after that.

my collection 090822

updates to my fountain pen collection.

1) Sailor 1911 large black, chrome trimmed, Naginata Concord nib
2) Sailor 1911 large black, gold trimmed, tombo dragonfly maki-e, Naginata Cross-point nib
3) Sailor 1911 large black ribbed, chrome trimmed, Naginata Togi nib
4) Sailor 1911 large yellow, gold trimmed, Naginata Cross Music nib
5) Sailor 1911 large demonstrator, chrome trimmed, medium nib
6) Sailor Susutake, aged smoked bamboo, Naginata Emperor nib
7) Sailor King of Pen, black ebonite, King Eagle nib.
8) Sailor Professional Gear 3 toned red KanReki 60th Anniversary pen
9) Pilot VP Yellow
10) Pilot Fermo Green
11) Pilot Custom 823, gold trimmed, black ends, SE clear demonstrator
12) Pilot dragonfly wings maki-e
13) Danitrio Mikado raw ebonite, soft medium nib
14) Danitrio cum laude blue celluloid
15) Stipula LE Pinocchio #13/881 brown ebonite
16) Stipula Suprema Amber 52 degrees nib
17) Stipula Etruria Ocean Blue
18) Stipula Etruria Alter Ego
19) Stipula Suprema Nuda, medium nib
20) Stipula Model T, titanium flex nib *new*
21) Aurora 88, black
22) Aurora Optima, burgundy, chrome trimmed
23) Aurora Talentum, black, chrome trimmed
xx) Aurora Archivi Storici *given to kakak*
24) Delta Dolce Vita Soiree, black
25) Parker Duofold Centennial True Blue LE #608/5000
26) Pelikan Souveran M1000, green
27) Waterman Kultur, blue demonstrator
28) Lamy Safari LE blue
29) Lamy Safari LE lime green
30) Lamy Safari LE orange
31) Lamy Al Star Silver blue
32) Cross Townsend, chrome trimming
33) Laban Kaiser, pseudo ivory chrome trimming
34) Omas Paragon Green Arco
35) Visconti LE #682/1069 Casanova "The Erotic Art Pen"
36) Nakaya long cigar red-black urushi
37) Edison pen, the Brockton LE #42/50, orange with gold trim, medium cursive italic nib

thinking about:
- Nakaya Neo Standard with music nib
- Sailor Sapporo Demonstrator green

age and you

i have a theory about ageing.
the idea is to picture yourself at an age you want to be.
not all the way to being 17 when you're above 30.
that's pure nonsense.

so the theory goes,
picture the age you want to be,
then hold that thought.
and go to bed with that thought.
don't let it go.
you'll wake up looking more or less what you want to look like
when you get up the next day.

i woke up this morning
and realised that i've aged.
at least 5 years older from yesterday.
i let my mind go when i went to bed last night.
so this is what happens.

by the way, i'm 15.

my collection 090724

updates to my fountain pen collection.

1) Sailor 1911 large black, chrome trimmed, Naginata Concord nib
2) Sailor 1911 large black, gold trimmed, tombo dragonfly maki-e, Naginata Cross-point nib
3) Sailor 1911 large black ribbed, chrome trimmed, Naginata Togi nib
4) Sailor 1911 large yellow, gold trimmed, Naginata Cross Music nib
5) Sailor 1911 large demonstrator, chrome trimmed, medium nib
6) Sailor Susutake, aged smoked bamboo, Naginata Emperor nib
7) Sailor King of Pen, black ebonite, King Eagle nib.
8) Sailor Professional Gear 3 toned red KanReki 60th Anniversary pen
9) Pilot VP Yellow
10) Pilot Fermo Green
11) Pilot Custom 823, gold trimmed, black ends, SE clear demonstrator
12) Pilot dragonfly wings maki-e
13) Danitrio Mikado raw ebonite, soft medium nib
14) Danitrio cum laude blue celluloid
15) Stipula LE Pinocchio #13/881 brown ebonite
16) Stipula Suprema Amber 52 degrees nib
17) Stipula Etruria Ocean Blue
18) Stipula Etruria Alter Ego
19) Stipula Suprema Nuda, medium nib. *welcome back*
20) Aurora 88, black
21) Aurora Optima, burgundy, chrome trimmed
22) Aurora Talentum, black, chrome trimmed
23) Aurora Archivi Storici
24) Delta Dolce Vita Soiree, black
25) Parker Duofold Centennial True Blue LE #608/5000
26) Pelikan Souveran M1000, green
27) Waterman Kultur, blue demonstrator
28) Lamy Safari LE blue
29) Lamy Safari LE lime green
30) Lamy Safari LE orange
31) Lamy Al Star Silver blue
32) Cross Townsend, chrome trimming
33) Laban Kaiser, pseudo ivory chrome trimming
34) Omas Paragon Green Arco
35) Visconti LE #682/1069 Casanova "The Erotic Art Pen"
36) Nakaya long cigar red-black urushi
37) Edison pen, the Brockton LE #42/50, orange with gold trim, medium cursive italic nib

thinking about:
- Faber Castell Intuition
- Sailor Sapporo Demonstrator green

Life patterns

In the grand pattern of my life, some major colours have been introduced. They are not new, they were just ignored before. These colours have started taking dominance, weaving their own intricate path in the story of my life.

Kismet.

blogged via mobile

grandma

a chat today
brought back memories of my grandma.
i call her tok.

usually at this time of the year,
she would go with her 3 months of fasting.
rejab, syaaban and ramadhan.
and her favourite all time drink when she breaks fast,
a&w root beer!
and guess who has to go out and get it for her?
and gets to keep the spare change?
who tells her that it may cost more,
and she indulges even though she knows it doesn't. :)

i would return all the spare change to her.
i dare not trick my tok of money.
that old lady is sharp when it comes to money.
she remembers every single sen!
in exchange for my runner services,
she gives me a crisp 50 ringgit note each time.
of course, i tell my siblings, i got a few ringgits for helping her.
that throws them off.
and i get to do it again the next time. :)

but i would have done it for nothing.
after all, she raised me.

i miss her.
may Allah bless her soul.

burden of secrets

i love secrets.
as much as the lord of the rings or harry potter movie.
secrets carry a burden with them.
be it a juicy or a solemn secret.

and i think,
i have a face that either just screams for secrets to be poured on me,
or a face that looks so 'blur like sotong' that if someone tells me something,
they know it would not register.
and the secret would be safe.
either way, i am told secrets.
almost daily.

i love secrets. :)

ignored

"it gets lonelier when you're being ignored."

morbid

i've not been able to shake my morbid thoughts.

i still see a dawn red sky which glows like a lake of blood,
an emptiness in attempts of living.

when what really matters,
is not paid attention to.

weary

my head is weary of thoughts
that adds no value to my life.
instead, it puts me in a make-believe state
with empty promises of tomorrow.

in reality, there's nothing.

i am weary.

roll in my grave

what if,
in a sudden burst of inspiration,
i had so much to say
and i started blogging it down
and scheduled the blog entries to be published
one each day for the rest of the year?

and what if,
i died the next day?

won't it be creepy to see entries published
when the author is long gone?
i would probably roll in my grave
laughing at my last unplanned prank on the unsuspecting world.

sorry, just feeling a bit morbid.
must be the mj songs on the drive back from the airport.

Hadith for this week

Narrated Jundab bin ‘Abdullah r.a.: The Prophet s.a.w. became sick and did not get up (for Tahajjud prayer) for a night or two. (Bukhari)

Allah knows best.

love them now

the demise of the crowned "king of pop", michael jackson, brings out the side of human behaviour that i just don't understand.

we all have a limited life span in this world.
in this short lifetime, we appreciate and develop love for individuals.
be it admiration for their achievement or contributions, or just plain love.

but why is it that we don't show or express this?
let the person know how much they mean to us.
tell them. appreciate them. love them openly?
but the minute the person disappears or dies,
we lament and cry, compose odes of poem, songs, confer titles and even write letters to the one gone?
why do we do that when they are gone?
why not when they are alive?

it's too late. just too late to tell them how we feel.
pointless in fact.
what do we gain for doing it when they are gone?

what i'm trying to say is,
if we love someone, go ahead and tell them about it.
sing to them. write to them. do whatever you like as long as they know,
that you love them and appreciate them.
do it when they are alive.
not when they are gone.
because when they are gone,
your voice and feelings does not reach them.
at all.

good day

it was a tough day, but it was a good working day.
granted, i am swamped with work.
within the chaos, i could see order emerging.
but it takes effort and time.
lots of it.
and that is going to occupy me for the rest of the week.

the worry i had the previous week during my vacation,
was as i suspected, just ranting from the top of the food chain.
now that i'm around, nothing. sheesh.

one distraction that made my day
was that i found a website that had what i have been looking for a while now.

http://www.quranenglish.com
recitation and translation together.
it's downloading time.

state of being

whenever you're riding the wave of 'euphoria & contentment',
does the thought of imminent 'crash & doom' lurk in the corner of your mind;
constantly nagging you to give it a cursory glance.
a constant reminder,
that happiness is short-lived?

i sound like a fatalist but i think happiness does not last forever.
i would like it to, but it was never meant to be that way.
i think, happiness goes through the same vicious cycle,
that sadness and despair, comes after it.
and if you survive the depression,
then you would return to a different state of happiness,
with the next despair waiting for you round the corner.

well, this is one of those secrets of the universe.
there is always a reason why we can't be in a state of euphoria forever.
and the positive side of me says, we can't always be in a state of despair forever either!

however, we can always try and make our being happy,
last as long as it can... :)

another working day

after a week of not being at work
being on vacation and medical leave,
i am almost apprehensive about going to the office tomorrow.

i know i have lots to do.
i could start on some today. on my off day.
should i?

no. i don't think i'm going to.
i'm going to leave work for work days.
only thing is, it's bugging me at the back of my mind.
so shush, my restless mind! quiet.
worry about it when you step into the office tomorrow.

ok, i'm off to read a book now.
and enjoy the weekend,
what's left of it.

my collection 090706

yes, this is a boring entry. bla, bla, bla.
i'm still doing it.
for those pens back in my folds, *welcome back*. i missed you much.
for the new additions, welcome. i promise to love you. i already do.

updates to my fountain pen collection.

1) Sailor 1911 large black, chrome trimmed, Naginata Concord nib
2) Sailor 1911 large black, gold trimmed, tombo dragonfly maki-e, Naginata Cross-point nib
3) Sailor 1911 large black ribbed, chrome trimmed, Naginata Togi nib
4) Sailor 1911 large yellow, gold trimmed, Naginata Cross Music nib
5) Sailor 1911 large demonstrator, chrome trimmed, medium nib
6) Sailor Susutake, aged smoked bamboo, Naginata Emperor nib
7) Sailor King of Pen, black ebonite, King Eagle nib. *welcome back*
8) Sailor Professional Gear 3 toned red KanReki 60th Anniversary pen *new*
9)Pilot VP Yellow
10) Pilot Fermo Green
11) Pilot Custom 823, gold trimmed, black ends, SE clear demonstrator
12) Pilot dragonfly wings maki-e
13) Danitrio Mikado raw ebonite, soft medium nib
14) Danitrio cum laude brown celluloid
15) Stipula LE Pinocchio #13/881 brown ebonite
16) Stipula Suprema Amber 52 degrees nib
17) Stipula Etruria Ocean Blue
18) Stipula Etruria Alter Ego
19) Stipula Suprema Nuda, medium nib. *welcome back*
20) Aurora 88, black
21) Aurora Optima, burgundy, chrome trimmed
22) Aurora Talentum, black, chrome trimmed
23) Aurora Archivi Storici
24) Delta Dolce Vita Soiree, black
25) Parker Duofold Centennial True Blue LE #608/5000
26) Pelikan Souveran M1000, green
27) Waterman Kultur, blue demonstrator
28) Lamy Safari LE blue
29) Lamy Safari LE lime green
30) Lamy Safari LE orange
31) Lamy Al Star Silver blue
32) Cross Townsend, chrome trimming
33) Laban Kaiser, pseudo ivory chrome trimming
34) Omas Paragon Green Arco
35) Visconti LE #682/1069 Casanova "The Erotic Art Pen"
36) Nakaya long cigar red-black urushi *new*
37) Edison pen, the Brockton LE #42/50, orange with gold trim, medium cursive italic nib *new*

coming:
- Faber Castell Intuition
- Danitrio cum laude blue celluloid

dusty and me

it has been a rather 'trying' week and weekend.
apart from recovering from vacation and a spell of migraine attacks,
i have been busy.
and it has nothing to do with work.

first off,
i had to help a friend through some serious 'family' issues.
it's a delicate situation and a sensitive one.
not easily resolved.

next,
was another friend with the story of a 'broken heart'.
and with any story of the 'heart', healing time is required.
and that involves friends.

of course, none of these things are excuses for a dusty blog.
it never was.
i just had no story to tell. :)

as we walked

i took my son, tunku muhammad with me for friday prayers this week.
as we both walked towards the masjid, i could not help but smile,
when i looked at him beside me.

it reminded me of the days when my father took me for friday prayers.
the only difference is, though muhammad is 10 years old,
he still insists on holding my hand as we walk to the masjid.
he doesn't care if anyone is watching.
nor does it bother him if people think that he's too big for hand holding.
he is comfortable. and he does it.

i miss being in that innocent phase.
where my thoughts are pure.
and my actions are as i see fit.
and the rest, do not matter.

sheep it

first it was re-tweeting.
then it was dusty blog.
i swear, some days, they just gang up on me!!

my collection 090621

Update on my fountain pen collection.

1) Sailor 1911 large black, chrome trimmed, Naginata Concord nib
2) Sailor 1911 large black, gold trimmed, tombo dragonfly maki-e, Naginata Cross-point nib
3) Sailor 1911 large black ribbed, chrome trimmed, Naginata Togi nib
4) Sailor 1911 large yellow, gold trimmed, Naginata Cross Music nib
5) Sailor 1911 large demonstrator, chrome trimmed, medium nib
6) Sailor Susutake, aged smoked bamboo, Naginata Emperor nib
7) Pilot VP Yellow
8) Pilot Fermo Green
9) Pilot Custom 823, gold trimmed, black ends, SE clear demonstrator
10) Pilot dragonfly wings maki-e
11) Danitrio Mikado raw ebonite, soft medium nib
12) Danitrio cum laude brown celluloid
13) Stipula LE Pinocchio #13/881 brown ebonite
14) Stipula Suprema Amber 52 degrees nib
15) Stipula Etruria Ocean Blue
16) Stipula Etruria Alter Ego
17) Aurora 88, black
18) Aurora Optima, burgundy, chrome trimmed
19) Aurora Talentum, black, chrome trimmed
20) Aurora Archivi Storici
21) Delta Dolce Vita Soiree, black
22) Parker Duofold Centennial True Blue LE #608/5000
23) Pelikan Souveran M1000, green
24) Waterman Kultur, blue demonstrator
25) Lamy Safari LE blue
26) Lamy Safari LE lime green
27) Lamy Safari LE orange
28) Lamy Al Star Silver blue
29) Cross Townsend, chrome trimming
30) Laban Kaiser, pseudo ivory chrome trimming
31) Omas Green Arco
32) Visconti LE #682/1069 Casanova "The Erotic Art Pen" *new*

coming:
- Nakaya long cigar
- Edison Brockton
- Sailor PG KanReki 60th Anniversary pen

the erotic art pen

i could not resist buying this off the net when i saw it.
brand new in mint condition, this was selling at one third of the price.
and i'll tell you why i think this is a bargain.

1) it is a limited edition pen #682/1069, a tribute to giacomo casanova and called "the erotic art pen".
2) barrel and cap is made of black lucite with fine brushed sterling overlays depicting two lovers locked in embrace.
3) the pen is a power filler.
4) comes with a matching travelling inkwell.
5) it is my first visconti.

this is what's etched on the pen.



i filled this pen and i found that the power filler is fantastic.
performs much smoother than stipula's power filler.



the nib is medium though writes almost like a broad.
and is a very wet writer indeed!
the ink just gushes forth.
'broad', 'wet', 'gushes', get it?

blog or tweet

there are moments when i wonder if my particular "smart arse" tweet entry should instead be my blog entry.

Blogged by mobile

what i discovered today

1) just knowing that i am supposed to be receiving emails can lift the spirit.
2) not everyone is out to be the joker.
3) if your gut feel says on, then turn it on.
4) gmail is behaving strangely of late.
5) there is nothing wrong with my nokia e71.
6) there may be something wrong with my other nokia.
7) homemade sushis are tasty.
8) a get together with 12 kids and 10 adults in this hot weather can sap your energy quickly.
9) i've been awake for the last 19 hours and i still can't sleep.
10) my brand new visconti limited edition erotica fountain pen has not been given any attention at all since i got it today. what gives?

tweet

being up in the early dawn and listening to the chirping of birds is uplifting. a good start to any day.

what if

what if
i told you that i fed a starving kitten i saw this morning.
and then i scrunched it up into a pile of roadkill beneath my car tires, accidently.

what if
i donated all my clothes
and kept only what i need to wear for a day.

what if
i got up one night
and decided to walk out in my boxers and t-shirt aimlessly until the sun rises.

what if
i mixed all my inks together
and inked all my fountain pens with the goo i created
and left it for 40 days.

what if
i decided that my happy home
is still missing a touch of happiness.

what if
i disagreed with all the personality theories
and go with my instinct on human nature.

what if
i don't want to love anymore
and wait for the day my life expires

what if
i went all ballistic with the $2 extra i have to pay
for my water bill, just because there's a drip i have not fixed.

what if
nothing made sense
and in the process of finding that sense, i lose it all.

and what if
all the if and if and if
is just a ruse
for me to fill up my blog?

then i would say, it worked.

then, and then

then, and then, there are times when i want to just say F,F,F it all!

nights

there are many nights
when sleep comes easily
laced with untroubled dreams.

then there are some nights
when the mind is full of thoughts
and i find myself staring at the rotating fan on the ceiling
wishing for bliss
that just never comes.

days

there are many days
when my steps are light and easy

then there are days
when my heart feels heavy
and my steps falter

and i just want to curl up in bed
and escape into my storybooks.

really

i tried. but i have nothing to say. absolutely. completely.

bam!

i don't like how i feel about 'me' today.

i think i will go for an extreme haircut today.

yes, i think that's what i'll do.

barber shop

our typical local indian barber shop has not changed much through the years.



you can still get a decent haircut ranging from RM6 - RM13, depending on the location of the shop and the extras you get for a haircut. if the shop is air-conditioned, then the price is at least RM10 for adults. oh, you do get the endless streaming of indian music to go with your haircut. entertaining.



most of the barber shops belong to an association. much like franchising i suppose, since the layout and decor in any shop you go to is similar, differing only in the preference of strong solid colour on the wall or floor. tacky but comfortably familiar. mcdonald's must have learned some from them.



oh yes, barber shops compete for customers too. as an added incentive for giving them business, some reward you with a sealed cup of mineral water once you're done. most include a shoulder massage and an expert crack of your neck after your haircut, if you so wish. no, none for me thank you.

a shave and trimming of facial hair is extra. very popular as they do a real good job, the traditional way. the way they handle the blade reminds me of the show "sweeny todd: the demon barber of fleet street". less bloody i assure you.



some barbers are really good. some, as expected will butcher your hair. that's fine, my hair will grow again. and i'll go to a different shop the next time. if my haircut doesn't look like my chosen style from the model hair chart, i could always go to a different shop on the same day and have a crew cut for another RM10. and that whole traumatic experience would cost me RM20 at the most.

i would only start worrying about a bad haircut once my hair stops growing. even then, a clean shaved head can be endearing.

email drafts

whenever i write emails, i sometimes end up keeping several drafts.
i write one email. i stop.
then i start on a fresh email on the same topic.
if i can't end it, i stop. and start on another.
then another.
until i get one that i'm happy to send out,
out it goes.

it's much like writing a letter.
you start off, then find that it doesn't really sound quite right.
you discard the letter.
and start on a new one.

the only difference between letter writing and email writing
is that, the discarded paper drafts are in the physical bin.
the email drafts, i just leave them stacked in my draft folder.

why?
because though the topic is the same, the contents in each draft is different.
so are the style and emotions.
quite fascinating re-reading something i meant to discard,
to find that in that few minutes on the same topic,
it all came out different.

don't just own it, clean it!

i've been hassled to update my blog by miss 'you-know-who'.
and blamed for other people's dirty fountain pen.
imagine that. heh.

well, this is for you, you dirty fountain pen owners out there.
if you own a fountain pen, learn to clean it.
else, give it to me.
i'll clean it and keep it away from you. :)

plenty of websites out there with instructions on fountain pen cleaning.
and i'm not about to repeat any of them.
so if you are not google-ing any,
here's one: http://www.marcuslink.com/pens/pen-cleaning.html

now go.
clean your fountain pens!

open the car door

i've always wondered,
why people open their car door
instead of the car's power window
to stick their hand out
to pay the toll
or touch their 'Touch n Go' card to the reader.

don't they know they have a car window?
don't they?
i mean, don't they??

fine if the power window is faulty or stuck.
but otherwise
what's the excuse?
i really, really want to know.

spock

last night, i was spock. and it feels real good. :)

detachment

loving and going through the pain of losing whilst growing up, i learned about detachment. i suppose i learned this at an early age.

i was the kid that kept my prized toys in my own special drawer, safe and intact. my brothers were the opposite of me. one day, i found my toy gun and my robot missing. i found the toys later that day, broken and 'well-used'. i cried. but i also knew it was useless to be upset for too long. it would not change what had happened and i would not get my toys back to how it was before.

so, i removed all my toys from my drawer, and let my brothers play with them. i know they would get it anyway, on a day when i'm not looking. effectively detaching myself from my possessions.

with people, the application of detachment is difficult though the principle is the same. i know that deep down, i am an emotional "tempest". unbridled, i know psychologists and psychoanalysts would name a syndrome after me in every psychology book. i can't have that, can i? :)

so, i learned to love, and detach myself at the same time. it made parting easier. it made loving less painful. my friends accuse me of being emotionless sometimes. stoic. unfeeling. i empathised but was always quick to come up with a logical explanation to things (by the way, spock in star trek, is my role model). the irony was, i attracted people who were less able to control their emotions. friends who were emotionally troubled. and in the process, became their 'secret keeper'.

now that i am older, detachment is becoming even more difficult. i find my walls being chipped constantly by my family. by my friends. and as if to make up for those years of 'keeping it in', i go through bouts of 'emotional release'. i think those close to me know when this happens. they say, i am not 'myself'; more quiet. more withdrawn.

why am i blogging this?

i want my family and my friends to know. for them to understand. if i am not 'expressive', it's not that i don't care or love them less. it is because i love them so much that every little thing they go through affects me (a lot more than they know), and a part of me is constantly in pain when they are troubled. losing them is losing a part of me.

and the only way i can cope, is to detach myself...

my Sailor collection

With the addition of the yellow 1911 Sailor to my collection, that about completes what I have been focusing on with the Sailor brand fountain pen. Granted the range of models available is more extensive. I was however, more interested in the nibs that Sailor's master nib designer Nobuyoshi Nagahara comes up with.

Of his special nibs, I have the:
1) Naginata Togi
2) Naginata Concord
3) Naginata Cross-point
4) Naginata Cross Music
5) Naginata Emperor

As with all the Naginata nibs, each nib allows a broad range of writing angles. Just flip the nib over and it produces a different line width, depending on the nib. So you actually get a fine line up to the double broad and on some, calligraphic, from just one nib.


Above: Naginata Emperor (emperor=the bar with its tip curled like a butterfly's proboscis, acts as an extra reservoir for large consumption of ink for smooth writing).




The reason I focused on the 1911 large series with differing colour, texture and finish was because the nib from one pen could be swapped to another and even to the Susutake (smoked bamboo) pen.



The Susutake (my favourite) is obtained from the roof timbers from old traditional thatched houses. The bamboo is naturally coloured to a red brown colour from continuous exposure to the smoke of the 'Irori' (traditional Japanese sunken fire/hearth). Different colour tones are seen on the surface of the bamboo depending upon its location and exposure to smoke over time.

There was one other Sailor I had in my collection. My brother, Izzat, bought it for me as a gift and he was planning to get one for himself. So when that didn't happen, I gave him the pen. It was called the King of Pen fitted with the King Eagle nib.

And that, is a tale for another day.

baby press ad

My mum and me, as a Johnson's baby

I found this piece on me.
As a ten pounder baby, I was a superstar.
Let's not discuss being a superstar now. :)

My Collection 090506

Update on my fountain pen collection.

1) Sailor 1911 large black, chrome trimmed, Naginata Concord nib
2) Sailor 1911 large black, gold trimmed, tombo dragonfly maki-e, Naginata Cross-point nib
3) Sailor 1911 large black ribbed, chrome trimmed, Naginata Togi nib
4) Sailor 1911 large yellow, gold trimmed, Naginata Cross Music nib *new*
5) Sailor 1911 large demonstrator, chrome trimmed, medium nib
6) Sailor Susutake, aged smoked bamboo, Naginata Emperor nib
7) Pilot VP Yellow
8) Pilot Fermo Green
9) Pilot Custom 823, gold trimmed, black ends, SE clear demonstrator
10) Pilot dragonfly wings maki-e
11) Danitrio Mikado raw ebonite, soft medium nib
12) Danitrio cum laude brown celluloid
13) Stipula LE Pinocchio #13/881 brown ebonite
14) Stipula Suprema Amber 52 degrees nib
15) Stipula Etruria Ocean Blue
16) Stipula Etruria Alter Ego
17) Aurora 88, black
18) Aurora Optima, burgundy, chrome trimmed
19) Aurora Talentum, black, chrome trimmed
20) Aurora Archivi Storici
21) Delta Dolce Vita Soiree, black
22) Parker Duofold Centennial True Blue LE #608/5000
23) Pelikan Souveran M1000, green
24) Waterman Kultur, blue demonstrator
25) Lamy Safari LE blue
26) Lamy Safari LE lime green
27) Lamy Safari LE orange *new*
28) Lamy Al Star Silver blue
29) Cross Townsend, chrome trimming
30) Laban Kaiser, pseudo ivory chrome trimming
31) Omas Green Arco

welcome canary sailor

at long last, i have my sailor 1911 yellow. :)
this was last year's birthday present from my bunch of friends.
as i picked it up from the shop, i decided to upgrade the nib from the music nib to nagahara's naginata cross music nib.
that did cost some, but what the hey...



so thank you jay, zaidan, zaihan, greg, saiful and polan!
love you guys!

some yes, some no

random questions with random answers.

"would you turn on that fringing alarm everyday please"?
"of course i would, if you asked me to".

"can i tease you for a bit"?
"no, you can't".

"is that ball out-of-bounds"?
"no, it isn't. the referee just had to take care of something".

"can you come over my place again"?
"i could, very easily, but i don't think i should".

"do you think my teddy is loveable"?
"yes, totally".

"do you love me"?
"no, because i'm in love with you".

M/F

My kakak could not tell the difference between the male and female sign. Could it be her eyes? In any case, guess which washroom she walked into... :)

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have you ever...?

have you ever fed yourself and missed your mouth completely? it happened to someone i know. wickedly hilarious, i assure you. especially since that person is an adult :D

kerja aida

slowing down

the excitement and drama in the past weeks is starting to wind down.
thank god for that.
big sister is back. and that means she rules the household now. pffft.
the other household that is. :)
see http://tunku.blogspot.com/2009/04/good-to-be-back.html
weather is still hot and humid, even early in the morning.

YOU stamp

For his birthday, a friend gave my friend, Jay, mailing stamps with his mug shot on it. 100% legit and can be used for mailing letters.
Great way for the Post Office to promote letter writing.
Comes in denominations of 30 sen or 50 sen and takes 5-10 minutes to be produced.
Interesting.
I may seriously think of getting my own mug shot on a stamp. ;)

g'night

so here i am in ward 438 with mama.
in the wee hours of friday morning.
unable to sleep.
my thoughts on mama.

finally mama is out of the intensive care unit.
but still closely monitored.
the doctors are still unsure of what's wrong.

at least her blood pressure has gone down.
but very much still erratic.
it can go in any extreme.
and that's dangerous in her condition.

i watch over her now.
she needs someone to be with her in her lone room.
not to be alone.

she had trouble sleeping earlier.
but is now breathing evenly, snoring quietly.
rested. and in less pain.

sweet dreams mama.
i'll see you tomorrow morning.
and may the sun rising over the horizon,
bring with it your get well wishes, insyallah.

e71 hospitalised too

as if things can't get any worse, my e71 decided to go berserk on me.
and this was right after a firmware update by nokia yesterday.
the phone gets all hot and the battery drains out in less than half a day.

no fring, no internet, no email access.
nothing, absolutely nothing.
ugh.
i am going through a withdrawal from being 'connected'.
it's just ARRRGH!
and BAH on the substitute phone. just don't like it.

my doa

It is at times when I watch my loved ones in pain and suffering that I am most affected.
Mentally and physically.
I may be able to control it most times.
Act stoic and unemotional.
Until it becomes too much to be kept inside.

Every grunt or sigh of pain, stabs me deeply.
Every drop of tear shed, blinds me.
Every mental anguish, burns my mental faculty.
If I could, I would gladly take the pain, the suffering, the tears and mental anguish.
I would embrace it and make it mine.
As long as my loved ones are spared.
I would do this willingly.
No hesitation.

Mama is in pain.
Abah is unwell, tired and worried.
Oh Allah, Ya Rahman, Ya Rahim,
Forgive my parents.
Grant them strength and patience,
In facing your tests in this world.
Grant them respite, when their strength and patience fails.
Love them and promise them
Your paradise in the hereafter.
Amin.

sharpy

somebody was sharp today.
or was it because my mind was all duh.
this heat today, terrible really.
makes my head throb.
second day in row i have a throbbing headache and i don't usually get headaches.

anyway, this is to acknowledge whatever "prize", in being mentioned here. ;)
not because i'm wrong.
but because you're sharp today.

crocs

didn't realise i have this many crocs.

Sahih Al-Bukhari, Vol.8, Hadith No. 414

Narrated Abu Hurairah: Allah's Messenger (S.A.W) said, "Whoever says, Subhan Allahi wa bihamdihi, one hundred times a day, will be forgiven all his sins even if they were as much as the foam of the sea".
(Sahih Al-Bukhari, Vol.8, Hadith No. 414)

made in japan

a few interesting things i got from my wife from her recent tokyo trip.


chopsticks with my name in old style katakana (not kanji as previously entered. thanks adesh).



pocket notebook made of recycled elephant dung



and this is from rafil, yoda pen master, iroshizuku ink.
packaged to look like a bottle of fragrance. :)
lovely saturated hues this shade.

of dragonflies and willow trees

today's early morning walk with maisarah,
was also the sharing of my life experiences with my daughter.

in sharing and telling,
i find myself reminded again.
how each one of us views the world in different light.
i am reminded.
but it doesn't mean i won't make mistakes.

on a separate note, i think liking something is built into our genes and passed down.
i found out that fascination in dragonflies and willow trees are something i share with muhammad and maisarah.
and i found that out only when they indicated their liking for it.
oh, and izzat likes willow trees too...

bagaikan langit dan bumi

everyone is different. i know this.
and yet, there are times when i do or say things that seems crass and insensitive.
it is unintentional, believe me.
maybe it's the lack of understanding. or that i'm treading on unfamiliar grounds.
in trying to understand, i bulldoze sometimes.
and forget that not everyone sees things through my eyes.

the end result is the same.
i hurt the other person.
once, twice and if unchecked, repeatedly.
this pains me. a lot.
as much, if not more than what they feel.

and true to my nature,
i will step back. sometimes way back.
it's not something that i want to do.
but it's probably something that i must do.
to let the person decide where they would like to go,
in the process of "relationship" building.

to move forward, the bond strengthens.

to them in the "fallout", it was never meant to be...

aida's handiwork

this new look, all thanks to aida.
albeit i thought it looked a bit "girly" but she insists its fine. :)
she worked hard on it. so i'll use this skin for a spell...

after all, that's what capricorns do for cancerians, right aida?
lupakan horoscope tu semua. tahyul! :)

*do not adjust your screen*

temporary layout change.
the picture panel is faulty.
had to remove it.
sorry.

early bird dies early

don't get me wrong.
i love getting up early every morning.
it's a habit.
even if i have a late, late night, i will still probably get up early.
i would keep going till about 10am.
my batteries die out in the 10ish.
and i need about 10-20 minutes of recharging.
power nap. then i'm fine.

the only thing that kills me is,
getting up early and being at work early.
and start WORK early.
and still end LATE, putting in more than 12 hours of work.

yes, it's my own doing. can't blame anyone.
i do that only because i want to avoid being stuck in traffic jams.
but once in the office, if i'm not distracted, it would be work.
occasionally "other stuff", but mainly work.

there must be better stuff than just work.
work life balance.
that's what it should be.

i think kids should go to school when parents are at work.
and when kids are done, parents MUST be done too.
balance.

oh wait, it is like that.
parents just work longer. by choice.
silly parents. silly me.

it has to change.
if we die today, will my work be there for me?
no.
will my family be there for me?
insyallah, yes.

so i might as well give more time where it counts.
i will.
soon.
starts today perhaps.
perhaps...

Sahih Al-Bukhari, Vol.9, Hadith No. 652

Narrated Abu Hurairah: The Prophet (S.A.W) said, "(There are) two words (expressions or sayings) which are dear to the Most Gracious (Allah) and very easy for the tongue to say, but very heavy in the Balance. They are:

* Subhan Allahi wa bihamdihi
Subhan Allahil Azim.
(Sahih Al-Bukhari, Vol.9, Hadith No. 652)

* Glorified is Allah and praised is He
Glorified is Allah, the Most Great.

quiet thoughts please...

i'm awakened
in the still of the night
i hear the soft chirping of crickets,
and the gentle snores from my son asleep beside me.

my thoughts wander.
and i thought of you.

i miss you.

driving ms maisarah

took a nice early morning slow drive to send maisarah to school this morning.
it's sunday but maisarah had a mind mapping course to attend.
it was quiet and cool with the sun's rays muted behind clouds and mists rising from damp grounds and trees.
lovely scene actually. *
we decided to turn off the airconditioning and wound down the car windows all the way.
it was a refreshing change for our senses.

fresh wind (sometimes laced with exhaust fumes) rushing in, sounds of cars whizzing past, tires scrunching on the road, early morning bird calls and at one point, a wild 'ayam hutan' flew across the highway right in front of the car to get to the other side of the road. flew, not run. impressive little fowl!

this reminds me of those days when my grandfather used to drive us around in his volvo when we were in kulim, kedah. exact same feeling, just less noisy as we were not on highways or big 2 laned roads. i miss those simple days.

* a contrast to our driving experience yesterday - see http://tunku.blogspot.com

exodus

yesterday, the impact of leaving my current project finally hit home.
contrary to everyone's thoughts, i feel sad.
i enjoyed being in the project, but more importantly working with my teammates.
the love-hate relationship is just incredible.

i vacated my working table-with-a-view for another to take over.
and given a room meant for two, view-less.
granted i have more privacy and good company, but it's different.
technically, i am still with the project for two days in a week and will work with my teammates.
but end april, it will all be over.

like all good things, they end.
planned sometimes, unexpectedly most times.
coping and moving forward is tough.
adjustments to be made, physically, mentally and even emotionally.

the responsibility and expectations of my other day job is already mounting.
soon, i will be completely immersed in it.
i may even grow to like it.
the new team is dynamic and i can already see the element of fun present.

but deep down, i will miss my current team.
mismatched personalities. individuals. friends. :)

(on a lighter note, niza will be in the new team. omg! lol)

Sahih Al-Bukhari, Vol.8, Hadith No. 318

Narrated Shaddad bin Aus:
The Prophet (S.A.W) said, "The most superior way of asking for forgiveness from Allah is:

* Allahumma Anta Rabbi,
la ilaha illa Anta.
Anta khalaqtani wa ana 'abduka,
wa ana ala 'ahdika wa wa' dika mastata' tu.
A'udhu bika min sharri ma sanatu,
abu'u laka bini' matika 'alaiya,
wa abu 'ulaka bidhanbi faghfirli fa innahu la yaghfiru adhdhunuba illa Anta

The Prophet (S.A.W) added: "If somebody recites them during the day with firm faith in it, then dies on the same day before the evening, he will be from the people of Paradise; and if somebody recites it at night with firm faith in it, and dies before the morning, he will be from the people of Paradise."
(Sahih Al-Bukhari, Vol.8, Hadith No. 318).

* O Allah, You are my Lord!
None has the right to be worshipped but You.
You created me and I am Your slave,
and I am faithful to my covenant and my promise (to You) as much as I can.
I seek refuge with You from all the evil I have done.
I acknowledge before You all the blessings You have bestowed upon me,
and I confess to You all my sins.
So I entreat You to forgive my sins, for nobody can forgive sins except You.

look kakak!

Hahaha!

Earth and wallpaper

Earth Hour


It's all about Peace, Love and Lemondrops


The favourite topic of earth hour discussion.

What else is new? :)