YOU stamp

For his birthday, a friend gave my friend, Jay, mailing stamps with his mug shot on it. 100% legit and can be used for mailing letters.
Great way for the Post Office to promote letter writing.
Comes in denominations of 30 sen or 50 sen and takes 5-10 minutes to be produced.
Interesting.
I may seriously think of getting my own mug shot on a stamp. ;)

g'night

so here i am in ward 438 with mama.
in the wee hours of friday morning.
unable to sleep.
my thoughts on mama.

finally mama is out of the intensive care unit.
but still closely monitored.
the doctors are still unsure of what's wrong.

at least her blood pressure has gone down.
but very much still erratic.
it can go in any extreme.
and that's dangerous in her condition.

i watch over her now.
she needs someone to be with her in her lone room.
not to be alone.

she had trouble sleeping earlier.
but is now breathing evenly, snoring quietly.
rested. and in less pain.

sweet dreams mama.
i'll see you tomorrow morning.
and may the sun rising over the horizon,
bring with it your get well wishes, insyallah.

e71 hospitalised too

as if things can't get any worse, my e71 decided to go berserk on me.
and this was right after a firmware update by nokia yesterday.
the phone gets all hot and the battery drains out in less than half a day.

no fring, no internet, no email access.
nothing, absolutely nothing.
ugh.
i am going through a withdrawal from being 'connected'.
it's just ARRRGH!
and BAH on the substitute phone. just don't like it.

my doa

It is at times when I watch my loved ones in pain and suffering that I am most affected.
Mentally and physically.
I may be able to control it most times.
Act stoic and unemotional.
Until it becomes too much to be kept inside.

Every grunt or sigh of pain, stabs me deeply.
Every drop of tear shed, blinds me.
Every mental anguish, burns my mental faculty.
If I could, I would gladly take the pain, the suffering, the tears and mental anguish.
I would embrace it and make it mine.
As long as my loved ones are spared.
I would do this willingly.
No hesitation.

Mama is in pain.
Abah is unwell, tired and worried.
Oh Allah, Ya Rahman, Ya Rahim,
Forgive my parents.
Grant them strength and patience,
In facing your tests in this world.
Grant them respite, when their strength and patience fails.
Love them and promise them
Your paradise in the hereafter.
Amin.

sharpy

somebody was sharp today.
or was it because my mind was all duh.
this heat today, terrible really.
makes my head throb.
second day in row i have a throbbing headache and i don't usually get headaches.

anyway, this is to acknowledge whatever "prize", in being mentioned here. ;)
not because i'm wrong.
but because you're sharp today.

crocs

didn't realise i have this many crocs.

Sahih Al-Bukhari, Vol.8, Hadith No. 414

Narrated Abu Hurairah: Allah's Messenger (S.A.W) said, "Whoever says, Subhan Allahi wa bihamdihi, one hundred times a day, will be forgiven all his sins even if they were as much as the foam of the sea".
(Sahih Al-Bukhari, Vol.8, Hadith No. 414)

made in japan

a few interesting things i got from my wife from her recent tokyo trip.


chopsticks with my name in old style katakana (not kanji as previously entered. thanks adesh).



pocket notebook made of recycled elephant dung



and this is from rafil, yoda pen master, iroshizuku ink.
packaged to look like a bottle of fragrance. :)
lovely saturated hues this shade.

of dragonflies and willow trees

today's early morning walk with maisarah,
was also the sharing of my life experiences with my daughter.

in sharing and telling,
i find myself reminded again.
how each one of us views the world in different light.
i am reminded.
but it doesn't mean i won't make mistakes.

on a separate note, i think liking something is built into our genes and passed down.
i found out that fascination in dragonflies and willow trees are something i share with muhammad and maisarah.
and i found that out only when they indicated their liking for it.
oh, and izzat likes willow trees too...

bagaikan langit dan bumi

everyone is different. i know this.
and yet, there are times when i do or say things that seems crass and insensitive.
it is unintentional, believe me.
maybe it's the lack of understanding. or that i'm treading on unfamiliar grounds.
in trying to understand, i bulldoze sometimes.
and forget that not everyone sees things through my eyes.

the end result is the same.
i hurt the other person.
once, twice and if unchecked, repeatedly.
this pains me. a lot.
as much, if not more than what they feel.

and true to my nature,
i will step back. sometimes way back.
it's not something that i want to do.
but it's probably something that i must do.
to let the person decide where they would like to go,
in the process of "relationship" building.

to move forward, the bond strengthens.

to them in the "fallout", it was never meant to be...

aida's handiwork

this new look, all thanks to aida.
albeit i thought it looked a bit "girly" but she insists its fine. :)
she worked hard on it. so i'll use this skin for a spell...

after all, that's what capricorns do for cancerians, right aida?
lupakan horoscope tu semua. tahyul! :)

*do not adjust your screen*

temporary layout change.
the picture panel is faulty.
had to remove it.
sorry.

early bird dies early

don't get me wrong.
i love getting up early every morning.
it's a habit.
even if i have a late, late night, i will still probably get up early.
i would keep going till about 10am.
my batteries die out in the 10ish.
and i need about 10-20 minutes of recharging.
power nap. then i'm fine.

the only thing that kills me is,
getting up early and being at work early.
and start WORK early.
and still end LATE, putting in more than 12 hours of work.

yes, it's my own doing. can't blame anyone.
i do that only because i want to avoid being stuck in traffic jams.
but once in the office, if i'm not distracted, it would be work.
occasionally "other stuff", but mainly work.

there must be better stuff than just work.
work life balance.
that's what it should be.

i think kids should go to school when parents are at work.
and when kids are done, parents MUST be done too.
balance.

oh wait, it is like that.
parents just work longer. by choice.
silly parents. silly me.

it has to change.
if we die today, will my work be there for me?
no.
will my family be there for me?
insyallah, yes.

so i might as well give more time where it counts.
i will.
soon.
starts today perhaps.
perhaps...

Sahih Al-Bukhari, Vol.9, Hadith No. 652

Narrated Abu Hurairah: The Prophet (S.A.W) said, "(There are) two words (expressions or sayings) which are dear to the Most Gracious (Allah) and very easy for the tongue to say, but very heavy in the Balance. They are:

* Subhan Allahi wa bihamdihi
Subhan Allahil Azim.
(Sahih Al-Bukhari, Vol.9, Hadith No. 652)

* Glorified is Allah and praised is He
Glorified is Allah, the Most Great.

quiet thoughts please...

i'm awakened
in the still of the night
i hear the soft chirping of crickets,
and the gentle snores from my son asleep beside me.

my thoughts wander.
and i thought of you.

i miss you.

driving ms maisarah

took a nice early morning slow drive to send maisarah to school this morning.
it's sunday but maisarah had a mind mapping course to attend.
it was quiet and cool with the sun's rays muted behind clouds and mists rising from damp grounds and trees.
lovely scene actually. *
we decided to turn off the airconditioning and wound down the car windows all the way.
it was a refreshing change for our senses.

fresh wind (sometimes laced with exhaust fumes) rushing in, sounds of cars whizzing past, tires scrunching on the road, early morning bird calls and at one point, a wild 'ayam hutan' flew across the highway right in front of the car to get to the other side of the road. flew, not run. impressive little fowl!

this reminds me of those days when my grandfather used to drive us around in his volvo when we were in kulim, kedah. exact same feeling, just less noisy as we were not on highways or big 2 laned roads. i miss those simple days.

* a contrast to our driving experience yesterday - see http://tunku.blogspot.com

exodus

yesterday, the impact of leaving my current project finally hit home.
contrary to everyone's thoughts, i feel sad.
i enjoyed being in the project, but more importantly working with my teammates.
the love-hate relationship is just incredible.

i vacated my working table-with-a-view for another to take over.
and given a room meant for two, view-less.
granted i have more privacy and good company, but it's different.
technically, i am still with the project for two days in a week and will work with my teammates.
but end april, it will all be over.

like all good things, they end.
planned sometimes, unexpectedly most times.
coping and moving forward is tough.
adjustments to be made, physically, mentally and even emotionally.

the responsibility and expectations of my other day job is already mounting.
soon, i will be completely immersed in it.
i may even grow to like it.
the new team is dynamic and i can already see the element of fun present.

but deep down, i will miss my current team.
mismatched personalities. individuals. friends. :)

(on a lighter note, niza will be in the new team. omg! lol)

Sahih Al-Bukhari, Vol.8, Hadith No. 318

Narrated Shaddad bin Aus:
The Prophet (S.A.W) said, "The most superior way of asking for forgiveness from Allah is:

* Allahumma Anta Rabbi,
la ilaha illa Anta.
Anta khalaqtani wa ana 'abduka,
wa ana ala 'ahdika wa wa' dika mastata' tu.
A'udhu bika min sharri ma sanatu,
abu'u laka bini' matika 'alaiya,
wa abu 'ulaka bidhanbi faghfirli fa innahu la yaghfiru adhdhunuba illa Anta

The Prophet (S.A.W) added: "If somebody recites them during the day with firm faith in it, then dies on the same day before the evening, he will be from the people of Paradise; and if somebody recites it at night with firm faith in it, and dies before the morning, he will be from the people of Paradise."
(Sahih Al-Bukhari, Vol.8, Hadith No. 318).

* O Allah, You are my Lord!
None has the right to be worshipped but You.
You created me and I am Your slave,
and I am faithful to my covenant and my promise (to You) as much as I can.
I seek refuge with You from all the evil I have done.
I acknowledge before You all the blessings You have bestowed upon me,
and I confess to You all my sins.
So I entreat You to forgive my sins, for nobody can forgive sins except You.